Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
Randomize
