I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
Drunk is not a location!
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
Randomize
