Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
Randomize
