from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Randomize
