AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
Randomize
