I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize
