Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
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