Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
I will pee on everything he values.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
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