Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
