What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
I DEMAND FORESKIN
there is puke in my bra ... again
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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