i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
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