It's Friday. Sex?
i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
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