Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Randomize
