tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
I could fuck to npr.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize
