is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
Randomize
