with your own penis?
I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Randomize
