After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
