it wasn't lemon gatorade
my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
Randomize
