Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
She bit a glass in half.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
