ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
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