Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
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