Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Randomize
