how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
Randomize
