Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
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