idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
Randomize
