I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
Just pee around me
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Randomize
