My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
