I'm laying in your front yard are you home
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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