So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
I think my nap took me to another dimension
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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