I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
Randomize
