you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Randomize
