how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
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