I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
My vagina is very pro this idea
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize
