I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
Randomize
