who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
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