I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
Randomize
