thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
The air taste purple.
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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