WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Randomize
