Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Randomize
