My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
Randomize
