love makes seman taste better
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
Maybe he injected his testicle?
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
