Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
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