as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
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