Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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