her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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