I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
Watching her eat just hurts me
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
Randomize
