I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
Randomize
