3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
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