Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Randomize
