Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
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