Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
Randomize
