I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
Randomize
