I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
Randomize
