and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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