I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
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