I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
Randomize
