Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
