your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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