Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Randomize
