Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
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