its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
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