I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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