dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
handjob tips. give me some.
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
Randomize
